This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
