dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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