I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize