I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hello my rib-scented angel!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
