If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
