I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Randomize
