The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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