How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
