i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
