Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Be still, my beating vagina.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
