my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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