apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
