I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
