So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
