Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
