new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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