In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
