I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize