you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The uberlube is also flammable
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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