dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
