you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
