nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
