i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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