worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
