blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
