This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
