A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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