porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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