U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
