sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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