If that was your dad, he is hot
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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