xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
