my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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