that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
