So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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