How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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