Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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