Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
