I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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