At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
