I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
