he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just had sex on a roof
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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