I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
