I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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