just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
