I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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