i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
