come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
