Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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