found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
