Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
