He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He keeps bees of course he's weird
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