yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
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you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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