Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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