oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
