So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
