Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
