ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
