I cannot find my penis.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
