You're so nebulous sometimes
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
