I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
