Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
