I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
