So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
