I puked a lego.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
