3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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