i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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