Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
