I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
