I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I don't think brook has ever known best
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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