We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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