to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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