Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
